just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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