Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
