He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
