where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
