I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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