brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I wear drunk well.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
