The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
