I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
