TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
