Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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