Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
