evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He shit in the fireplace
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
