$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
