the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We had to coat check the pizza.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i need some magic done to my vagina
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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