I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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