I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
