for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
