It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My pussy is not your playground.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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