So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
