Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
