I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
