she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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