Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
