I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't make out with my wife yet
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
