can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
