When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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