I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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