I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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