literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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