grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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