i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Randomize
