Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
