TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
