I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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