last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
