I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
