I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
