I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
