Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
