I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
