just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
