I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The adults are the big ones right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
