Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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