does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
