next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
