I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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