My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
