exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
