I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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