My room smells like vodka and shame
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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