if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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