I CAN MOONWALK!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
