Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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