im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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