It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My breasts were aching with rage.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
