Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
