I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
