Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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