Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
