We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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