It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
