is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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