we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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