I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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